The Problem With Jedi
by blanktwilight
Summary: When the casualties of The Clone Wars pass a few million, an Edict was passed by the Supreme Chancellor to conscript convicts and scum into the war effort. Find out what happens when the least serious assasin and the most sarcastic Jedi meet and find out who truly is the biggest pain in the a**


This is my first attempt at something like this so feel free to review. I'll try my best!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my oc and what she does. Star Wars is owned by Disney. Not me, which is a shame...

 _After the battle of Geonosis it was clear to the Jedi order and the rest of the galaxy that they weren't as all-knowing as they made out to be. The Confederacy of Independent Systems had seemingly sprung up right under their noses with no warning, causing a divide in the senate and a need for reinforcements. The war front had been fairly even for several weeks after Geonosis, until the planet of Christophsis was blockaded by the Seperatist fleet. With no one to turn to for reinforcements, The Supreme Chancellor passed an edict. To use_ _criminals_ _to aid in the war effort._

[Republic Judiciary Central Detention Center]

A lone woman could be seen working out in the corner of the prisons gym. Her skin was ice white, whith a range of pale red tattoos across her body. On her shoulder lay a mandalorian sigil, a Kyr'bes. Her orange overalls were half off, exposing a black tank top. On the chest section a name-label could be seen, _Koyi Ovasu._ Her name meant many things to many people. A hunter clothed in shadow. A blade in the dark. A serpent waiting to strike.

A grotesque woman waddled her way into the room, her rolls of fat wobbling all over the place. She was the ugliest of the female section of the prison, wanted for a string of rape and murder cases. A 'nice' woman...

"Freak, the warden wants you! Said he 'ad a proposal for you."

She said no words, she simply stalked to the wardens office, her slender frame gliding through the prison. She ended up here for a fairly admirable 120 life sentences after a slight mishap during an assassination and the 525 prior to that. The target had hid behind a Jedi when the shot was taken, adding a force wielder to her kills.

As she arrived at the wardens office she noticed a few key things; 1) the cameras were off 2) the Jedi master Yoda was there 3) the warden had a smile on his face. Each of these were more surprising than the last.

"You called?"

"Ah yes, prisoner 1254-09, I have a proposition for you. This could let you walk out of here free, in a sense... The Republic's military is in a tight spot at the minute, so they have decided to send in the criminals. They are taking one from each prison and you happen to be the deadliest person in here so I've picked you. They're assigning you to a Jedi so you have a skilled _caretaker_. Lord knows you need one, the last ones ended up in a state of disassembly. I'll hand over to Master Yoda to explain."

Koyi POV

Now, I love a Jedi as much as the next woman. But this _midget_ was a step up to the line. I've seen some weird aliens during my time as an honorary Mando'ade, but this guy is new to me.

"Now, Jedi, what do you want me to do for you? If I get out of the prison sentence I'd do almost anything..."

"Counting on that, I was. Deploy with General Kenobi, you will. Aid him and his forces at Christophsis, you must. Join you there too, I will. Skywalker's new Padawan, deliver I must. Cruel joke from Kenobi, submitting a Padawan application without permission."

Ahhh, I see. This Kenobi guy might be okay... hopefully? At least I wasn't assigned to Windu. He's a jackass.

"Kenobi requested you on the versatility you bring as a mandolorian and skilled star fighter pilot. If I remember correctly you listed you occupation as 'glamorous assassin'. Is seems this General has a sense of humour. You are to be sent out in an hour, I suggest you say goodbye to the rest of the pris-"

"Oh no need warden, but thank you for the opportunity. Can I borrow your data pad... thank you."

Seconds later a hologram of myself appeared on the main screen. This is gonna be great!

Warden PoV

The video started smoothly, I still didn't know how she managed this.

"Now" She started talking on the recording. "I know you all feel a little scared of little old me seen as I went and ended that little glo-stick wielder. I'll be out of your head soon. Now, Sandra I won't miss you, you're a rapist and a mountain of fat; everyone else however, I'll miss you. Georgia or George, she's a he. That one zabrack terrorist, I could never remember your name. Actually screw you guys, I'm outta here and you aren't. Sucks to be you guys! Now the wardens a bastard, your all annoying and I'm out!"

 _That little sonova bit—_

"Take her away, I don't want to ever see you again!"

Koyi PoV

"Can we go faster please! By my logic we have 3 and a half minutes before all hell breaks loose. I got the kitchen to prepare blowjobs for everyone, courtesy of the warden!"

"Your a right trickster aren't you, miss"

"Holy sh*t, Jedi your clones actually talk to people! That's so cool. All the guards here ever did was stare at the symbols and question my sanity when I had them done... What're ya called, clone that talks?"

"Clone commander CC-1004, but I go by Gree. At your service, Miss. I reckon you'll fit right in with Master Skywalker, Obi-Wan's Padawan. He's a bit of a jackass in my opinion, but that man can _fly_."

Ahhhh, he receives a first name Obi-Wan. Hope he looks cool! If he doesn't then this'll get boring, I like working with the cute ones.

"Can we have a detour to the planet of Ryloth please. I'll need my guns and ship to do any real damage. Thankfully your efficient Republic didn't think to look for a cache in the gorge by the capital, that's where I keep most of my _toys_. Scratch that, week have to go there for me to help you dumbasses. Seriously, how can you have such a high morality rate against b-1 droids. Just hack the droids and watch the carnage. Anything can be hacked, after all."

I've been wanting to try my hand at this war thing for a while. I've never been in a real battle situation, I've only ever had an overwhelming superiority to my opponents. The mandolorians saw that when I tried to kill their prim minister. What, you think I wanted this inked on me, it doesn't suit me. An elegant, curvy Twi'lek who murders on a whim. I used to choose my jobs with a dartboard. I threw a dart blind and killed the chap who the dart landed on.

A long quiet trip later filled with complaints and arguments...

Nice to be home after the 6 months I've spent chilling in prison. Yes I was only there for a short time, and I hated every second of it.

"Look away, guys, I'm changing clothes so stay away! Not like you'd come in anyway, you're not smugglers after all."

Ahhh how I've missed you, white mandolorian armour. I got the highest speck version too. No jump pack though, I never did feel the Fett approach was very _me_. So I got a white cloak with my version of the Kyr'bes on it, blood red on ice white Mando Iron filiments. God I missed this comfort and safety. Now should I take the 0.3 hyperdrive with the stealth ship or the 0.4 with the heavy armaments. Ask a silly question, I'll take the ship that outclasses the _Venator_ 's the Republic'll be using, I gotta look good to the Jedi after all.

When I came out I didn't expect them to be confused at what I was wearing, I suppose no one told them I had toes to the Mando'a.

"So you gonna stare at my lovely self or give me the coords for this crystal system so I can take this bad boy there in a couple of weeks, cause it's a long ass way to Christophsis and I ain't doing it on your slow ship, mine has a 0.4 hyperdrive, yours is what class 2, class 3? Slow!"

"I'll get you nav data in a minute, now how do you have a high worriers manolorian armour that's been personally crafted to your body shape? They only do that for those who help them in war and conflict..." Ahhh Gree's a 'smart' clone. Oh time to open this can of worms...

"They hired me to try to find flaws in their security system. Long story short they have stopped 30 to 40 assassins with my new security measures so I get the title of Mando'a knight. I took off the jump

pack in exchange for a mando technician to refit my ship in Mandolorian Iron. They were kind enough to do all my weapons too... I wonder how the lovely gal who told them to do that is doing. I think her name was Satine? Lovely lady, shame she was a pacifist though... so that's why! Now let's go kill some droids and a few seperatists too. You mind giving me the info on the troop placements and the space battle? Just send it to my onboard droid, it's an old HK-50 assassin droid that I found buried next to an old mask. I took it to the Mando and the gave me the chance to join a clan. Weirdos if ya ask me. I just joined the whole race so I didn't have to deal with the clans, best decision I've ever made!"

"Talk an awful lot, you do. Depart now we will. Your ship land in the venator, you will."

"You do know that that'll quadruple the time it takes to arrive, right? We could be too late."

"Allowed to be unattended, you are not."

"Ah. Quick query, who's the Padawan that's gonna be given to Skywalker?"

"We've already picked her up from the temple, Ma'am. Her name is Ashoka Tano, a Tongrutan."

"Thank you, Gree. Can I meet her? I've never talked to a Padawan other than the one that got in the way while I was attempting to murder a Sepertist sympathiser in the Senate. I think I got paid by your republics coin too..."

"Agree I do, good idea it is. Learn our ways, you will. Careful you must be, sassy she is."

"I'd like to see if she's sassier than I am."

On the Venator, in the Jedi's quarters. 

Ashoka's PoV

Master Yoda had told me no one would bother me on the ship. None of the clones went out of their way to say 'hello' or anything, which was fine by me honestly. I liked the quiet, it let me think of my friends at the temple and of what I'd been told of my master. A loud blip went through the room announcing a message from Master Yoda. I skimmed through it's contents expecting it to be fairly simple. It was not. It spoke of a albino Twi'lek assassin that had been assigned to help liberate Christophsis from the Seperatists.

 _I hope she stays away from me, she doesn't seem like a nice person..._

"Excuse me, can I come in and ask you about the Jedi code? I feel like I should know about it seen as my handlers a Jedi. I hope we can be friends. After all, I have a feeling that we'll be seeing a lot of each other."

 _Great..._


End file.
